Monday, 28 June 2010

Introduce yourself right now...

This is a collection of journal entries from my travels ten years ago. I wrote my journal in private and the thoughts were my own, not really designed for public consumption. This was 2000 - before web based social networking; before blogging etc, so it's kind of old school. The entries are unedited; copied straight from the page.

This is best read from the start, as there's a bit of a story here - some narrative through line and character development. I'm just going through the process of sorting them all out in order and getting the second half of the work up on the internet (a job a stopped a few years back and am now picking up again).

I'm also going to get some images scanned in too and get them posted in chronological order... Interspersed are emails sent and received during the period plus poetry and prose written at the time. Some of the emails got edited a little bit. The entries with titles starting "remember" are pieces of creative writing; reflections on the travel that I've written either now or over the last few years as I've been re-reading the journal.Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the people I met.

Its my hope that people will simply read this and enjoy it, nothing more. Some friends said it was worth a read!


Monday, 17 July 2000

e-mail... have I found what i'm looking for?

From: "Anna"
To: "wegonow"
Subject: Re: Is anything getting through?
Date: Mon, 17 Jul 21:31:35 +0100

Yeeeowzaaah! I've just got every one of the 10 messages you sent, and I'm a happy happy kaninchen. Gawd bless you for taking the trouble to write all that - it certainly cleared up a few worries I was having. Namely, you're not dead, you hadn't been press ganged/gang planked/gang banged/pressed against a plank by a gang with bangs, OR that you were appalled by my coming on to you and you'd found yourself a wife along the way but didn't like to tell me. I'm a bit cross with my world map for not having Koh Samui or Kah Phan Nyang on it - I think that's an Atlas/Lonely Planet job. Australia, on the other hand is clearly visible and I shall eagerly await your progress reports thereon. Hope your full moon party was good - I bet it's soo beautiful out there, and you're right just to just cruise the land putting the contents of your brain to rights. It's what people's lives are for, and why the world is beautiful in the first place, ferchrissake. I bet the whole Australia thing will be a whole bastard world of opportunity - a crispy white blank life-chapter for you to write. Don't feel daunted - I'll talk you through it’s OK my sweet prince.

You said the best things in your message, you know. I'm going to send this now, but continue replying to an other/all of your other messages as I've got so much I want to say to you . I'm not going to spend an other month bursting with pent up feelings and howling at the moon, so brace yerself.

Friday, 14 July 2000

e-mail... communication breakdown

From: “wegonow”
To: "Anna Jacks"
Sent: Friday, July 14, 8:37 AM
Subject: Is anything getting through?

I'm getting messages back that I sent to you a week ago saying they haven't been sent. It's very annoying. I've sent you loads of stuff and it just hasn't gone.


Thursday, 13 July 2000

13 July... still no answers on leaving Samui

I’m waiting. Out of the frying pan into the fire. I’ve acquired a German cold sore. Rancid aluminium. I see a bad moon rising. Na Thon. New shoes. Stolen Merrell. Calmer now. Waiting for the sun storm sticky sweet. Not a sad parting from Natasha. Different people from different worlds. It wouldn’t make sense anywhere but this island. Still no answers. I don’t know who I am anymore. All my reference points are gone. Is it really possible this can happen in two months? Still no answers. Although I don’t understand why, I am still contented with this lifestyle. I could not however, do it forever. There are other things I desire – I just can’t remember what it feels like to have them or to desire them. I’m telling myself I’m crazier than I am? We’ll see.

Tuesday, 11 July 2000

e-mail... stepping over stepping out stepping on

From: "wegon0w" <>
To: “Anna” <%%%%%%>
Subject: Re: stepping over stepping out stepping on
Date: 11 Jul 12:24:42

Right this HAS to work. We're out of sync honey pie. OK. This is it. The definitive message.

I am in Koh Samui which is a small island somewhere in the Gulf of Thailand. It's very beautiful and full of ladyboys which is a bit disconcerting. Life here revolves around scooting about on a moped all day in the sunshine then getting drunk and very wet in monsoon rain all night. The Red Bull is full of amphetamine and makes your lips buzz. In a couple of days I'm off to Koh Pha Ngan for the full moon party where I hope to get absolutely trashed and roll around in the sea. It shouldn't be too difficult. In a couple of weeks time I should be in Oz absolutely skint and looking for work. The thought is a bit scary 'cause I've basically just been holidaying it up until now. Soon the honeymoon will be over.

This whole travelling lark is a bit mental. Especially on your own. You just have so much time to think. Sometimes I feel a bit mad, like I'm losing the plot. What's real, who am I? etc but even being in those states is quite liberating because I've only got myself to look after and worry about. I don't have to be anything for anybody. I can just "Be" and no-one gives a shit. That's what I like. Some people call it "finding yourself" - I think I'd just call it "forgetting yourself".

Have you overstepped it? Big question Ms Jacks. "You talkin' to me? talkin' to me?". Is there a mark to overstep? Of course not. I have no marks. I have no boundaries. I am the Lizard King, I can do anything. Enough E-mail flirting. I'll level with you. I fancy you. I have always fancied you. I probably always will fancy you. But you're always or have been, going out with some sexy hunk of "boef" / nice guy or other! Above all you are my good buddy 10/4 truckin' style long history top girl pretty smart mate. That will never change.

Thing is you've just come out of a rather BIG hefty relationship type thing (and I'm not very good at understanding what they are and what they mean because I've never been that skilled at them. I fuck up) and I have absolutely no idea what's going through your head or how you really are or what you really think or anything. You're thousands of miles away. I'm away for another ten months. I have no Idea what's going to happen or whether I'll ever come back (which the way I'm feeling at the moment is a small possibility).

That's why I wrote that first message to you. Just 'cause I really do think it's fucking ironic that all this happens now. The first time in about 7 years that you've been a single lady of leisure and look where I am. I don't know whether I'd have told you all this if I was in London. Distance makes the mouth grow slacker! I don't know whether this answers your question. Probably not. Let's just say this for definite.


There that was easy wasn't it.

Right. I'm saving this message till you get it and I'll keep sending it until you write back and I'm afraid you're going to have to level with me a bit as well 'cause I haven't been this frank with anyone in about 5 years and it feels a bit weird doing it on a computer somewhere in Thailand.

And you have to tell me what Claire said that made you blush!!!!!

Love Wegonow

Monday, 10 July 2000

e-mail... Anna sticks her neck out

From: "Anna"
To: "wegonow"
Date: Mon, 10 Jul 23:34:52 +0100

Hey precious bundle, I haven't actually had an email from you since 20th June. The last one came to me via one of your mates who was bringing your sanity into question and seemingly opening up a debate forum on the subject amongst those on your mailing list. (That was the Singapore/porndog one, anyway.) Please write me. Hope you're OK. Did you get my last message 6/7/00? Hope you're really alright. I want to hear from you now. Have I overstepped it with you? You can tell me.

Yer Jacks

Sunday, 9 July 2000

09 July... feeling all Kerouac in my mind

This is possibly the coolest place I’ve ever been. Koh Samui. Beach-dogs, beer, women, sun, chilled atmosphere…who needs anything else?

“I need a man who comes for a month”

“I’m too fucking safe. I wish I was dangerous”

Samui comes crashing in bringing Natasha and Anna tumbling down with Flower and a million memories. I think I’m losing it or finding it. No limits or boundaries. I wish I was the ocean. I am the ocean. My mind is an ocean. Life’s an ocean. Taking solace in Kerouac. I want to meet myself but I only meet strangers. I am a stranger to myself. I am alone. Falling rain. Cigarettes. Motorbike to heaven. Rhythm of the beach. Crashing waves. Jah Dub. Andy et al. What’s it all about? Where is it all going? Am I craving stability? NO – fuck it – I’m not stopping ‘till I get the answers. I want answers.

Friday, 7 July 2000

07 July... enter Natasha, stage right

WOW! Natasha. Its phenomenal that I keep meeting phenomenal women. Actually thinking about it, this is the first phenomenal woman I’ve met since Amise but whose counting? (me?). I forget what mixture of Nationality but... has been living in Hong Kong soon to be Koh Samui, where I’m headed. She’s just gorgeous. I don’t even care if nothing occurs in the “occurring” sense of the word I’m just so fucking pleased to have met her. Colonic irrigation and brain hemisphere retuning, Reiki – er whatever, I’m trying to understand. Out to Pat Pong and had a totally different experience to the previous night. Radio City, live band, dancing smiling and basically being totally uplifted. Her ex arrived today which is a bit of a bummer. (OK so I do have a crush on her). I shall not pass judgement on him, her or myself. Hmm, good sentence.

It seems ironic that I have been in Bangkok for a week and the only sexy Thai girl who’s been anywhere near my genitalia has been the doctor who checked out my haemorrhoids. It was her or the Australian doctor. Which would you choose? Maybe its divine retribution. One more night is all I can take – and that’s just to get fully on the mend. Tomorrow I’m out of here. Natasha or no Natasha. Hmmmm.

Thursday, 6 July 2000

e-mail... and the flirt begins in earnest

From: "wegon0w" <>
To: “Anna” <%%%%%%>
Subject: Re:
Date: Thu, 06 Jul 12:24:42

So what was it that made you blush? I mean what makes a nurse blush?

Things have gone from bad to worse. I've hit rock bottom - literally. Been stuck in Bankok for 5 days and its starting to wear thin. I'm having to wait around for another doctors check up tomorrow and basically the antibiotics he gave me haven't sorted the bum problems out. That means he'll probably want to keep me here even longer and there's only so much love I can give in one town baby!

So how's life being single? It must be OK. Have you heard from the EX
and are things still on good terms or is it tricky?

You see you're in a very fortunate situation because you get to flirt with me with the safety of several thousand miles and months between us. It's the flirting equivalent to Durex. It's Flurex.

Anyway I have to go and wipe my bum 'cause I'm dribbling all over this seat.

I'm such a nice guy.

06 July... Pat Pong

Last night I got drunk. I think I had to. Met Rachel, Barry, Ed and Helen. I’ll never see them again and I’m glad. James Bond Tuk Tuk in the monsoon rain. Rocky vs. Rambo. Pat Pong; fake smiles, Red Bull and solitaire ‘till 4am. Bar on the way back jungle and pool. Dislocated. Helen said I looked ‘dislocated’. What the fuck does that mean? Perhaps I’m ‘mis’located. I need to find out where my brain has gone because nothing is making much sense at the moment. Deep blue funk as they say. What to do? I need to meet a shining star. I need some light in my life – its too brown. I’m also getting bored of these relentless conversations about travelling. They’re starting to become unreal. Over and over. Oh well. It beats working in London – wherever I am or my head is. That, at least, is one thing.